Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Lumpy is Frumpy

Me as a mom is a lot like me before I was a mom, only lumpier. Granted, I'm still working on getting rid of 6-8 leftover baby pounds. But even when (not if! positive thinking!) I manage to drop those lbs, I know I will have a few more lumps than I used to. I feel like a toothpaste tube that's been squeezed at both ends. In fact, I'm considering a Weird Al-style makeover of Fergie's "My Humps" that goes: "My lumps, my lumps, my frumpy baby lumps".

Anyhoo, all this leads me to find any and all methods of creative lump-hiding. Here are a few I've discovered:

1. The cute, fitted puffer vest - instant lumpectomy! Plus, you can basically throw it over sweats (ones that fit, mind you) and a sweater and it looks like you've got an outfit on.

2. Layers - as long as they're not too bulky. A tank top under a shirt or sweater is great at lumpoflage. Gap Body has some good, paper-thin stretchy tees that work really well, too.

3. Stretch knit fabric - I think whoever invented jersey knit should have their own monument in Washington DC. It's comfortable, it's flattering, and you can run around after children in it without worrying about something popping, ripping or lumping.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Celebrity moms = Bad role models

Before having a baby, I never paid any attention to pictures of celebrity moms. Now, I find myself scrutinizing every detail--their hair, their outfits, their accesssories, their back fat (or lack thereof), you name it. I'm not above pulling out a magnifying glass to check to see if their toes are manicured.

What am I doing?

Not only do these women have gobs and gobs of money to throw at their mom-frump, they have ISTS. Lots of them. StylISTS, facialISTS, colorISTS, manicurISTS, personal trainerISTS, plastic surgeonISTS. I, on the other hand, have one full length mirror and some Spanx. That's pretty much the breadth of my frump arsenal.

The bottom line is we shouldn't compare ourselves to women who get paid to look fabulous. The best role models are the moms you see at the park, at the store, getting coffee. The ones that look cute and comfortable yet aren't going to lose their jobs if their child vomits in their hair.

Lately I've read a couple of refreshing articles about celebrity moms that have been honest about how hard it is to look good when you have a kid. Both Jennifer Garner and Keri Russell gave interview and basically said, "I would look like shit if I didn't have a movie coming out and a studio breathing down my neck to unfrump myself." (I'm paraphrasing.)

Bless them and their little size 2 bodies.

Thursday, November 1, 2007

All hail the sexy sweats!

No, I'm not talking about the sweats that have the word "JUICY" running from the far left cheek to the distant right. Even if I had a, well, mouth-watering hind end, I'm not sure that's the precise word I'd want emblazoned upon it in 72-point type. And far too often I notice that the asses proclaiming their succulence are decidedly, decidedly not. No, frump fighters, I have something much better, much subtler and much juicier for you.

If you have a Lululemon store within 100 miles, immediately stop reading and go there. Now. (Tragically, you can't order their stuff online. Yet.) This is a Canadian-born company that finally understands that women (especially moms) want to wear sweats and not look like either Sporty Spice or Barney. All their pants and tops come in actual sizes (4, 6, 8, etc.) and they will hem the pants for free. So you end up with a pair of comfy sweats that actually fit. HALLELUJAH.