Thursday, February 21, 2008

I love you, Banana Republic sweater coat

A couple of months ago, I bought a black sweater coat at BR. Not the kind that ties at the waist - I've tried those on and that look only manages to add about 10 pounds each to my bosom and my hips. This kind buttons like a coat but is made out of cable knit. It was one of those purchases where, at the time, you weren't really sure if you were even going to keep it. Like, let's take this puppy home, try it on with some things, kick the tires, see what happens.
Well. I am in love. I feel like a kid with a security blanket, I want to wear that thing all the time. I find myself thinking things like, "I wonder if anyone will notice that I wore this the last two days in a row?" That is SO unlike me. But I am a woman obsessed.
It is so comfortable and cozy, I feel like I'm wearing a bathrobe. But, unlike a bathrobe, it's streamlined and stylish. Even when I'm wearing it over my Lululemon sweats and a t-shirt with ballet flats, I feel like Audrey Hepburn. (Okay, Audrey Hepburn after about 6 months of binge eating.) And when you put it with jeans and boots? Heaven! It's got that whole "chic without really trying" thing going.
So, find a sweater coat. Buy it. Wear it. Love it. I promise you'll thank me.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

The new mom clause

Let it be said that NO new moms fall into the frumpy mom category, even if they are wearing a house dress with leaking breasts. You have a "Get Out of Jail Free" card for at least the first five months of your child's life. There is just no reason to be wasting your energy on self-maintenance when you're spending 92% of your life sitting on your rear and nursing. Plus, who wants to risk wearing a cute shirt when you've got leaking mammory glands? Not that any of your cute shirts would fit over those loaded milk dispensers anyways.
I spent the first few months of my daughter's life wearing solely easy access tops. I thought this was genius, until the day when I went out into my front yard and started talking to my next-door neighbor with my hoodie unzipped to my navel. Seems that when you spend most of your time with your shirt open, you get insensitive to the cool breezes that would normally tell you that your ta-tas are exposed. I also had no problem rocking the maternity pants well into my daughter's first year. They're comfortable, they frumpoflage the lingering post-prego jelly roll, and they make you feel skinny because they're the only things you own that are too big.
Now, I have many friends that have given birth and then promptly looked fabulous. I don't get how that's humanly possible, but somehow they manage to look exactly like their former selves, just with bigger boobs. Personally, I think these women have made a deal with the devil. For the rest of us mere mortals, I say frump out while you have a good excuse!

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Do you know this stuff?

If not, allow me to introduce you to a nice little anti-frump weapon. It's called "Eyebright" by Benefit Cosmetics but it should have been called "I slept". This stuff is magic. When you've finished putting on your makeup, you put a line of it above where you put your eyeliner. Voila! Instant sleep! On Benefit's website they say some crazy stuff about putting it in the inner corner of your eye next to your nose and drawing some sort of line up from the outer corner towards your eyebrow, but that sounds a little Star Wars to me. I'll stick with my nice subtle line and eyes that don't look like I just rolled out of bed.