Sunday, November 16, 2008

A Plea

Mom, non-moms, women of all ilk --

I beg of you, when displaying an advertisement across the bum of your sweatpants, please consider the size of your billboard.  I for one am not confident enough to label my nether regions as neither "Juicy" nor "Pink", but for those of you who are, I applaud your pluck. Just remember that everyone behind you is looking at those words and equating them with your backside. So perhaps it should live up to its emblazonment? (This is particularly applicable to the woman I saw at the airport today whose "Juicy" rump could have been read by passing-by aircraft.) 

Thank you so very much. 

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Roots Part 2

Wow. Apparently roots are an issue with many a mom, and fear of the box is palpable. Besides the comments I received here, I also got quite a few emails on the subject. Here's what I suggest. IF you feel like giving the box a shot (and I highly recommend doing so), why not try it a couple of days before you have an appointment with your colorist? If it works, then just come down with a sudden, raging case of contagiousness and call your colorist to reschedule. If you hate it, then you only have to live with your mess of a head for a couple of days. And that's what hats are for. 

It seems like one issue is that people have had bad luck with such matters in their past. To this I ask, how distant of the past? Are we talking bad flashbacks to eighth grade? Did you once upon a time don the dreaded frosting cap? Maybe the products on the market are better these days. I can't vouch for any besides my trusty L'Oreal Feria with a brief foray into Clairol Natural Instincts. (With Feria, I usually use the color Chardonnay. I figure I drink enough of it, I might as well cover my head with it.)  Again, I can't stress enough not veering too far from the hair color you've already got and keeping the color on for less time than recommended in the instructions. 

A couple people asked me if my colorist would get mad at me for taking matters into my own hands. I admit I had that same concern. But then I came to the realization that A) I'm 35 years old. I can't worry about whether or not my colorist is mad at me and B) My colorist sees a lot of heads of a lot of hair and I bet mine is not the worst case scenario and C) That's her job!!! Even if I come in there with a Bozoesque rainbow afro, I'm PAYING her to make me look fabulous. 

So I say, hit the box with confidence. A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.  

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Root Removal

They say money is the root of all evil. In my life, roots are an evil that cost me too much money. So I'll let you in on a little secret of mine that lets me fight frump AND save money at the same time. I color my own hair. Yes, it's true.  I don't do it every time - rather I just use it as a way to put off the moment when I hand my ATM card over to my colorist. Right around the time when my fingers are starting to itch to call the salon, I drive my self and my frumpy roots over to the drugstore and pick up a box of blonde. Then I take it home and get my plastic gloves on - and voila! I just bought myself another month or more of rootless joy. 

I discovered this technique back in the day when I was just starting to work and had no money (but somehow, better clothes.) My roommate and I would crack a bottle of Two-Buck Chuck and help each other get to our desired shades of blonde and brunette. I abandoned it altogether later, when my husband and I were in our brief-yet-blissful phase of two incomes, no house and no kids. (This was also when I was paying copious amounts of money to have pretty much all my body hair removed, not to mention biweekly mani pedis. Sigh.) Now that we're homeowners and parents to one and 3/4 children, I'm back to my old tricks. 

So here's how I do it. I buy a color that's as close as possible to what I'm already sporting. (I've used a few different brands with success, but I'm partial to L'Oreal Feria.) Then I basically ignore the package's instructions. I mix up the stuff and put it on my roots for between 5-7 minutes. Then I cover the rest of my head and leave that on for about 8-10 minutes. So grand total, the stuff is only on my head for less than 20 minutes. (As opposed to the 30 that they tell you it requires.) I think this just keeps everything looking a little more natural. 

The reason I don't do this every time is that I've discovered that after a few "blonde in a box" sessions, all my hair turns one color. I think that a blonde without at least some variation (highlights, lowlights, etc.) looks fake. Brunettes, however, are a whole different story. My old roomate is now a highly successful advertising guru married to another highly successful advertising guru, and she's still trusting her gorgeous brunette mane to the box. 

So there you go. I figure this saves me at least $600 a year, which I can then invest guilt-free into something really important, like massages and shoes. Try it if you're so inclined, and let me know how it goes!