Waistbands are no longer really an option. I got out my "sexy" (this word could not be used more loosely) maternity jeans yesterday and I needed a cool-down period after finally getting them on. It reminds me of what it would look like if you witnessed sausage voluntarily squishing itself into its casing. Looks like it's stretchy pants from here until "Labor Day", which luckily for me, should be coming sometime in the next three weeks.
My footwear options are as follows: UGGs, flip flops, slip-on tennis shoes. The other ones still fit, miraculously, but they feel like tiny personal torture devices. Why on earth would wearing a cute pair of wedge heels hurt my shoulders? Not quite sure, but they definitely, definitely do.
Due to the fact that I'm cheap and refuse to buy maternity clothes for cold weather, I have all of three options these days for tops that A) fit and B) keep me remotely warm. So, if you see me walking around town -- sorry, I meant waddling -- take note: Is it the gray sweater, the black sweater, or the striped turtleneck? You could take a wild guess and what I'm wearing right now and have a 33% chance of being right*.
What, pray tell, is the baby doing inside my belly that is making my skin look as if it's 75? Whatever happened to the supposed glow of pregnancy? I think it's like the theory that getting rain on your wedding day is "good luck". It's just something people say to make an obviously shitty situation seem better at the moment.
I shudder to think of what size bra I'm going to have to buy when my --gross phrase alert -- milk comes in. I'm already reaching letters of the alphabet I hoped never to be familiar with.
Note to my future baby - if the carpal tunnel doesn't go away after you're born, you're grounded.
OK -- Here's to a happy, healthy, unfrumpy 2009 for all of us.
*Did you guess gray? Ding, ding, ding, ding, you're right!!!