Saturday, March 28, 2009

You know you're postpartum when...

You are meeting a friend and think to yourself, "I can't wear that shirt, I was wearing that the last time I saw her." And the last time time you saw her you were SEVEN MONTHS PREGNANT.

Thursday, March 19, 2009


Last weekend we hit a nearby museum and, along with lots of local flora and fauna, we saw some spectacular local frump. Here's an example. I believe the most egregious part of this particular frumpfest is the bright pink scrunchie.

But wait! Here was her husband, sitting by himself, playing games on his cell phone. For better or for frump.

Look, I'm not one for dressing up for weekend kiddie outings. But how about a lack of acid wash and fanny packs? Is that too much to ask for?

Saturday, March 14, 2009

One of these things is not like the other

Two things happened to me this past week.

1) I got the green light to start having sex again at my 6-week postpartum visit.

2) I developed what's basically akin to jock itch on my boobs. All the heat and moisture and such.

I do believe these events are mutually exclusive.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Stick a fork in me

Well, I've done it. If mom frump is a slippery slope, I've just greased myself up with Crisco and dived in head first. We bought a minivan this past weekend. And worse yet, I love it. My daughter calls it "the magic car" because of the doors that open at the press of a button. And honestly, it kind of feels like that to me too. My husband has been pushing for a minivan from the moment our first child crowned, and I've been holding onto our SUV lifestyle for dear life. But then, once I started dealing with TWO children/carseats/crap, my firm resolve started to slowly weaken. And then we went and drove them. The minute I sat in the cushy, cushy seats that smelled not like diaper wipes and cheerios but like spanking new leather, I realized I was in trouble. (Yes, I do realize that soon my brand new minivan will smell like all of the above and more, but for now, I can close my eyes and imagine that I'm sitting in a luxury sedan. Don't harsh my mellow.) Plus, I'm thinking that the fact that I now drive a minivan gives me yet more incentive to not frump out in other ways. It's bad enough that I'm stepping out of a minivan - I have to make sure that what DOES step out does so in style. I used to tell my husband that I would only agree to a minivan if our other car was a Porsche. Now I'm thinking that I have to BE the Porsche. Right now, I'm more like a Subaru. But hey, I'm working on it. In the meantime, if you see someone driving around San Mateo in a white Toyota Sienna with big Nicole Richie sunglasses on, give me a honk, sister. Woo-hoo!