Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Bring it on, Anderson

So I got Tracy Anderson's Post Pregnancy Workout for my birthday from my husband (don't worry, I asked for it, or else yes, I might have chopped him into bits). This is the woman who whipped Gwyneth Paltrow and Madonna back into shape after their babies. She is this itty bitty little thing who swears up and down that she gained 60 pounds during her pregnancy and that this workout got her back to her pre-pregnancy tininess. Well, I've got to think that she's got a genetic (well-toned) leg-up on me, but I'm gonna give it a whirl. It's a pretty brutal workout, focused mainly on abs. I'll keep you posted on how it's working as I go.

In the meantime, let me give you a quick recap of how my last session with her went:

10:10 Husband and daughter are running an errand. I plop Tracy into the DVD player.

10:12 Doing warm-ups. What is that on the rug? Oh my god, is that dog barf? Hit pause.

10:16 Back to the video.

10:25 Baby crying. Hit pause for a quick breather/nursing session.

10:33 Back to the video. I hate Tracy Anderson. But I will love her if my abs can look half as good as hers.

10:40 The dog decides that me being on the floor is an open invitation to play. She brings her ball over and starts chewing it AGAINST my leg while I'm working out.

10:42 I get the dog to stop chewing her ball on me but now she is chewing it right next to my face, with her least attractive side facing me. I actually utter these words, "Rosie, please move your butthole."

10:50 Husband and daughter return from their errand. Hit pause while household erupts into temporary chaos.

10:58 Back to video. Tracy is looking perfect and gorgeous in her wood-paneled studio filled with vases of peonies, fluffy pillows and burning candles. I am looking worn out and flabby in my dog barf/dust bunny ridden/toy strewn house. Hopefully, my abs do not know the difference.

Saturday, April 11, 2009

Faking alertness

I am a makeup product whore. I cannot stay true to one product to save my life. Just as I think I've fallen in love with a certain lipstick/eyeshadow/perfume/etc., someone comes out with some sort of shiny product that I just HAVE to try, and then I've just cheated on my new makeup significant other. That said, I have lately come across a few choice items that A) have made me look more awake, which is saying a lot and B) I've bought MORE THAN ONCE, which is saying even more. So I thought I'd share.

The first one is dear to my heart, because I have dry skin. I mean really, really dry. For most women I know, face shine is anathema. For me, if I ever see a photo of me where there is actual shine on my face, my first thought is, "Wow, what was I doing right that day?" That's how dry my skin is. And you, Miss Shinyface, that are sitting there thinking, "I wish I could say my face didn't ever shine in pictures"? I'll have you know that in 10 years, you will still look fresh and dewy while I will look like the cryptkeeper. So imagine my delight when I found a product that gave my desert-dry skin some glow. It's Stila Illuminating Tinted Moisturizer SPF 15. Let's break that down. Stila.... so you know it's good stuff. Illuminating... I think this is the particular part I have to bow down in thanks to. Tinted... good for us moms that need evening out without full-blown foundation. Moisturizer... did I mention I have dry skin? SPF 15... well, that's just smart these days with the whole ozone blown to bits and all. I LOVE THIS PRODUCT.

Lately, I have had a few instances where people tell me I look (and I quote) "well-rested". No, these were not stand-up comedians. I think they were serious. I can only attribute this to my fabulous new-found concealer. It's Arbonne Cream Concealer. I have tried many, many concealers, but what I love about this one is that it's thick enough to actually WORK but light enough to not look like I troweled spackle onto my eyebags. And, perhaps most importantly, it STAYS. If you want some, let me know and I'll hook you up with a fabulous Arbonne rep who also happens to be one of my very best friends.

Last, and this was a total shocker, I have fallen madly in love with a lip gloss I bought on a whim at Target. Actually, I stole it. But not on purpose. I had my baby in his infant seat in the front of the cart, and I wanted to buy this particular lip gloss. Well, it was too small to throw in the cart, because it would fall through the holes. So, ingeniously, I threw it into my son's infant seat. Well, fast forward an hour or so in the life of a breastfeeding woman, and I completely forgot about it when I went to pay. So I got home and took my son out of his seat, and there he was, smuggling Target lip gloss. I felt both guilty and wild at the same time. Stealing lip gloss as a 36 year old mother of two! Anyhow, it turns out this is the best lip gloss I have ever had on these lips. Most of them are either too sticky or too glossy or just gross for one reason or another, but this stuff is perfectly slick and it lasts and it smells good and tastes good and is practically perfect. Especially when it was free. But don't worry, I'll buy all further purchases of this stuff and trust me, there will be plenty. I couldn't find it on Target's website but it's Sonia Kashuk Hydrating Lip Balm and it looks like this:






Go on. Steal some for yourself.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Proof that bearing children affects our sense of style

It's for the best, really. It's truly a good thing that, the minute our babies pop out of us, the same instinct that used to propel us towards shoe sales now propels us to protect and nurture our children. I respect and honor the powerful mother urge. That said, I think this is going a bit far.....






(I'm making you scroll down... it's like the blogger's version of a drumroll.)



















I mean, really? Can't we practice attachment parenting without looking like a giant blue Teletubby? This is a real product, folks. It's supposed to keep your baby warm while you're wearing him. And here I thought that's what fuzzy sweaters and blankets were for.