Friday, May 22, 2009

Aloha-oy

Well, we're off to Hawaii, where I plan to get a wicked tan from my neck up and my knees down (since nothing else will be showing). I also aim to keep my children as pale as the day they were born. We'll see how I do on both fronts. It should be wonderful -- once we get both kids, the diapers, the swimmy dipes, the pack and play, the stroller, the carseats, the sunscreen, the floaties and ourselves there, that is. Wish us luck! Aloha!

Saturday, May 16, 2009

As promised, my tubelashes

(A follow-up from my last post...)

Can you tell which is which?















The difference is subtle, but I can say that after a whole day of this experiment, my tubelashes looked perfect and my regular mascara looked a little haggard. I just may be a believer.

PS - The tubes are on my right eye (so the left one on the picture)

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Totally tubular

I've spoken before about my promiscuity when it comes to makeup. Well, I was watching TV the other day, minding my own business, when suddenly a commercial for mascara came on. It was for L'Oreal Double Extend Lash Extension Effect Mascara. (Honestly, is that about three nouns too long or is it just me?) But holy woah. Get this. Somehow, when you use it, your eyelashes get covered in tiny little tubes that are supposed to extend your lashes by 80%. WHAT? That's like almost as bizarre and alien sounding as growing a person inside your stomach. Little tubes? 80%? I was like a robot heading out the door to buy the stuff. MUST GET THAT MASCARA WITH TOO MANY NOUNS. SOMETHING ABOUT TUBES. MUST GET LASHTUBES.

Fast forward to my new mascara's maiden voyage, when we went to a friend's wedding this past weekend. (I mean, no need to extend my lashes 80% just to head to work or the park, right? Overkill.) I was practically shaking I was so excited. The mascara is double sided -- one side is the base coat and one side is the...tubejuice. Or whatever. So I covered my lashes in the white base coat (which looks really weird) and then tubed 'em. I think I was expecting to watch my eyelashes grow before my eyes, kind of like a pinocchio nose or something, so I was a little disappointed when I didn't notice a huge difference. But lo and behold, later that night when I took off my mascara, what was staring up at me from my washcloth but a bunch of wiggly little black things. My tubes! That is some crazy, crazy shit. Pardon my french.

I will follow up this post later with a picture of my eyes -- one with regular mascara and one with tubescara. See if you can tell which is which.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Mother's Day Unfrumpiness

I hope that all you moms out there get to start the day on Sunday with breakfast in bed, followed by a full body massage given by a shirtless Abercrombie & Fitch model, followed by a mani/pedi that lasts for weeks, followed by lots of little robin's egg blue gift boxes. Or, at the very least, I hope you don't get what I got on my very first mother's day in 2007, which was a black North Face puffer vest. Luckily for my husband, now I really like my black North Face puffer vest. I just didn't like it as a mother's day present.

Actually, since I just went back to work, what I'd love more than anything this year is time with my babies, which I know I'm going to get. It will be wonderful. I may even wear my puffer vest.

Have a fabulous Mother's Day everyone!

Friday, May 1, 2009

Let Me Make This Abundantly Clear...

...I do not personally know any frumpy moms. I say this because I can't tell you how many times I've been with a friend who has told me that they're worried I'm going to blog about them. Fear not, my friends... I can say without a doubt that all the moms I know are so spectacularly unfrumpy that the frumpiest mom in my life is, indeed, myself. Proven by my recent trip to Trader Joe's wearing my workout clothes and no makeup. Or perhaps the fact that, despite having an actual hairdo (that didn't come cheap, I might add), I still resort to putting my hair into a ponytail at every given opportunity. No, this is not a forum for me to out my frumpy friends... because I have none. That's why it's all the more fascinating to me when I come across so much mom frump in the world.

I was at the mall the other day and I saw a mom pushing a double stroller. She was wearing baggy heather gray sweatpants—the kind that has elastic in three places: waist, right ankle, left ankle. To set off her heather gray sweatpants, she had on an oversized heather gray t-shirt. (It looked a little like a prison uniform, except that those are usually in a nice, festive color like orange or red.) Heather gray is probably the worst possible color choice when you have any of the following: children who drool, a tendency to sweat while pushing 50+ pounds in a double stroller, leaking breasts.

I'd like to think that this was just a fluke for this poor woman. I just happened to catch her on a very off, very heather gray kind of day. I'd love to ask her how it so happened that she left the house in an outfit I wouldn't go to bed in, not even when I have my period? How did she come to think of monochromatic baggy sweats as daywear?

See, if I had some frumpy mom friends, I could ask these things. I would have answers to all my burning, frump-related questions. But I don't, so I can't.