Saturday, October 31, 2009

Things that go poop in the night

On this SPOOKY Halloween evening, I thought I'd share a horror story happening right here at home, nightly. My little 9 month old goblin wakes up every night at 4 am, pretty much without fail, with a diaper full of BOO. Seriously? I mean, I'm all for regularity, but what's with the timing? That Bob Seger song "Night Moves" has now taken on a whole new meaning to me. So, when I'm out with the little ones trick or treating, I just want to be on the record that NO, I am not dressed as a heavyweight boxer or Madeline Albright, those are real, actual bags under my eyes. Happy Halloween!

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Things that make me go HMMM....

Why, if you happen to be a 6 foot 5 inch man with a beer belly, would you rock a mullet down to the middle of your back and wear fleece pajama pants with the "Family Guy" baby and the word "Evil" on them as daywear?

WHY WHY WHY OH GOD WHY do so many moms wear sandals with socks?



These are just a few things that are hurting my brain (and eyeballs) today.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Unexpected Discovery: Men's Facial Products

The other day, my sweet husband came home with some Kiehl's self-tanner for me, since he knows I swear by it. Apparently, he was also given some samples—as I found a tiny little tub of something from Kiehl's called "Facial Fuel" in our medicine cabinet. I love the name of this stuff—it's so clearly aimed at men. Us women will buy things called "Superpeptide Vitamin Collagen Anti-Aging Enhancer" thinking that all those fancy words will somehow translate into "no wrinkles". But men? No. They just need it to say, "Good stuff for your face" and they're pretty much sold. Throw in a reference to something flammable and it's a slam dunk.

So I dab a little bit of this stuff on my cheeks and... HELLO! GOOD MORNING! GUTENTAG! HOT DOG! It was a like a little caffeine rush to my face. There's something in this stuff that makes it feel like you've just stepped out into a frigid morning breeze from the neck up. Suffice to say, it's a darn good way to start the day, especially when you've spent half the night lulling children into various states of rest. See, skin care professionals assume (rightly) that they have about 3.5 seconds to grab a man's attention or else they're never going to stick to a skin care regime. Women, on the other hand, will loyally and diligently slog through day after day and night after night of a routine because someone promised us that we "may see results after six weeks".

So here's my hypothesis—MEN'S FACIAL PRODUCTS KICK ASS. Their typical lack of attention span and general disinterest in self-beautification means that any product geared towards them is going to have to work hard, and work fast. As an exhausted, time-starved mom, this is exactly what I want out of my skin care. Wham, bam, thank you ma'am!

Of course, now I want to try other men's skin stuff and see if it blows all my stuff out of the water. I'll either make more great new discoveries, or I'll grow a beard. Either way, of course I'll tell you about it.

Monday, October 12, 2009

Today I Mowed the Lawn in Skinny Jeans

You heard me. I did. Why? Because the lawn needed mowing and that's what I was wearing. See, here's the problem about being a mom. There is simply not one good outfit to cover all the things you need to do in one day. Today, my day consisted of a doctor appointment for my baby, school drop off and pick up for my preschooler, a couple of errands and, as it happens, a lawn mow. I mean, what is the perfect outfit for all of that? Technically, I suppose it would be overalls and a gardening hat. But I don't own either of those (thank god in heaven). So I picked jeans over yoga pants as a sign of respect for the doctor, a cute sweater to make up for the fact that I barely had on any makeup and hadn't done my hair, and topped it all off with my omnipresent big sunglasses. So if that's what I ended up mowing the lawn in, so be it. I'm sure my neighbors got a chuckle out of it.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Gray Matter

The other day, I was standing in line behind a mom at Starbucks. She was pushing a stroller and had on a cute workout outfit. All good. But then I got a gander at her hair. It was brown, except for where it was gray. Gray, gray, gray, having a field day on top of her head. I cannot stress enough that nothing ages a woman more than gray hair. And yet, it's pretty much inevitable. BELIEVE ME I know it's hard to keep up with hair maintenance -- whether it's coloring it or styling it or removing it from unsightly places. But there are aisles and aisles of products at the drugstore that can help you in this matter—quickly, and cheaply.

For those of you who are DIY-haircolor virgins, I know what you're thinking. What if it looks bad? Well, I suppose you are taking that risk, but it's not like having the top of your head look like an aged chinchilla is any better. And if you pick a shade that's close to your haircolor, it's pretty much bulletproof. I mean, they don't get Sarah Jessica Parker and Eva Longoria to pimp this stuff for nothing.