Anyways, there's been a particular recent issue that I have to take umbrage with. On the cover is—you guessed it—Kendra Wilkinson and Kourtney Kardashian, both holding their sweet, new little babies (and looking quite fabulous, I might add). These babies are like, 6 weeks old. Can you imagine talking to a magazine, much less posing for a picture 6 weeks after having your first baby? But my big problem lies in the headlines on said magazine. Here's what it says:
New Moms Tell All...
-Romantic dates & hot sex lives
-Kendra: Hank loves my new booty
-Kourtney: Scott's a great dad, he even changes diapers!
PLUS: How they're getting fit and losing the baby weight FAST!
So, let's take this line by line.
Romantic dates and hot sex lives? Let's all go back, for a moment, to the time when we just had our first babies. Six weeks later, you're just beginning to get used to being up all hours of the night, your boobs are enormous and sensitive as hell, your body looks like you're still three months pregnant, and your crotch is in a sling. Exactly what about any of that is romantic, hot, or has anything to do with sex? And date nights? Please. I have a 3.5 year old and a 1 year old and we get about three of those a year.
Hank loves my new booty? You mean, the one that's sitting on a three-inch thick maxipad all day? Wow, Hank. That's pretty evolved of you. Quite impressive.
Scott's a great dad, he even changes diapers? Is this some kind of cause for celebration? If a new dad balks at changing diapers, they just need to get the chat about having just pushed a watermelon out of a pinhole. No need for hysterics, just a few firm words of wisdom and it's all worked out.
And as for getting fit and losing weight, I say good on you girls. You knock yourself out. AFTER YOUR BABY IS A FEW MONTHS OLD. Why would anyone even think about such matters 6 weeks after having a baby? Slow down! Chill out! Enjoy your blissful, newborn baby and the well-deserved frump that goes with it. It's so fleeting. You have the rest of your life to fight your body. Right now, just enjoy the magical, powerful, amazing thing it can do—create a life.
And speaking of lives, you need to get one, OK Magazine.