Sunday, January 31, 2010

Not OK Magazine

My husband got OK Magazine for me as a gift a long, long time ago and it's still coming (even though I'm not sure we've ever renewed it). When he got it for me, I thought it was pretty much one of the best gifts a girl could ask for... celebrity gossip appearing on my own front porch weekly? Yes please! But now, after like 150 weeks of it, I'm totally disillusioned. For one thing, I'm beginning to think that OK Magazine is owned by some combination of the Kardashian family, Kendra Wilkinson, and the Twilight franchise. Because damn if one of them (if not all three) isn't on EVERY COVER. Another thing I can't stand is that they're all about the big fat misleads—as in this week's headline: Brad and Jen Together Again! Only to discover that they're talking about the fact that both of them were in the same room at the Haiti telethon. Get it? Together. Again. Thanks for that newsflash, OK.

Anyways, there's been a particular recent issue that I have to take umbrage with. On the cover is—you guessed it—Kendra Wilkinson and Kourtney Kardashian, both holding their sweet, new little babies (and looking quite fabulous, I might add). These babies are like, 6 weeks old. Can you imagine talking to a magazine, much less posing for a picture 6 weeks after having your first baby? But my big problem lies in the headlines on said magazine. Here's what it says:

New Moms Tell All...
-Romantic dates & hot sex lives
-Kendra: Hank loves my new booty
-Kourtney: Scott's a great dad, he even changes diapers!
PLUS: How they're getting fit and losing the baby weight FAST!

So, let's take this line by line.

Romantic dates and hot sex lives? Let's all go back, for a moment, to the time when we just had our first babies. Six weeks later, you're just beginning to get used to being up all hours of the night, your boobs are enormous and sensitive as hell, your body looks like you're still three months pregnant, and your crotch is in a sling. Exactly what about any of that is romantic, hot, or has anything to do with sex? And date nights? Please. I have a 3.5 year old and a 1 year old and we get about three of those a year.

Hank loves my new booty? You mean, the one that's sitting on a three-inch thick maxipad all day? Wow, Hank. That's pretty evolved of you. Quite impressive.

Scott's a great dad, he even changes diapers? Is this some kind of cause for celebration? If a new dad balks at changing diapers, they just need to get the chat about having just pushed a watermelon out of a pinhole. No need for hysterics, just a few firm words of wisdom and it's all worked out.

And as for getting fit and losing weight, I say good on you girls. You knock yourself out. AFTER YOUR BABY IS A FEW MONTHS OLD. Why would anyone even think about such matters 6 weeks after having a baby? Slow down! Chill out! Enjoy your blissful, newborn baby and the well-deserved frump that goes with it. It's so fleeting. You have the rest of your life to fight your body. Right now, just enjoy the magical, powerful, amazing thing it can do—create a life.

And speaking of lives, you need to get one, OK Magazine.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

All's Welly

Ok, frump fighters. I have a head scratcher on my hands. For Christmas 2008, my true love gave to me.... two pairs of functional boots. Uggs and Hunter wellies. Keep in mind that I was 12 months pregnant and feeling about as sexy as a barrel, so two pairs of flat, built-purely-for-function boots was an interesting choice, to say the least. However, to his credit (and great fortune), I ended up loving both and, in the case of the Uggs, wearing them nonstop as my go-to, wear-around-the-house-and-every-so-often-on-errands footwear. The wellies on the other hand, have stood in the corner of our bedroom looking kind of cool but going largely unworn. Well, fast forward a year or so to now, when it's been dumping buckets outside for the past two weeks, and here's my dilemma. I know that Hunter wellies are the "cool" wellies. I know they sell them at J. Crew. I know that there's a certain equestrian chic to the whole jeans and wellies look. I appreciate all of that. So why is it that when I wear my cute black Hunter wellies, I feel like any minute someone is going to hand me a shovel and ask me to sling shit? I simply can't figure out how to rock this look. What do I wear on the top of my person when the bottom half looks so.... Scottish? Please tell me. I'm sick of coming home with rain in my pumps.

Monday, January 18, 2010

Burn your Tevas. Please.

Find me on Polyvore
I would like to prove (with the help of Polyvore) that there is simply no need to wear river shoes in normal, suburban mom life. Also, can we all just take a moment of quiet, intense gratitude for Polyvore? It's like my 8-year old Barbie fashion plates, but with the whole internet to pick from. Normally, I'm slow to come around to anything technological, but this is like my version of computer porn.

So, peruse some cute comfy mom shoe options. I know this is just a sprinkling, but it's a start. I do believe you can click on the image to enlarge it, than click each separate pic to get more info and even to buy, if so desired. Now if only I could buy all these cute shoes! Sigh.

Friday, January 15, 2010

Happy Birthday Little Man!

Today is Lincoln's first birthday, and it's blowing my mind that my little baby is one. I truly feel like we just walked in the front door with him all bundled up from the hospital. How did 365 days pass so blazingly fast? Maybe the fact that my entire labor with him was two hours long was a foreshadowing of how fast things would feel in the year to come.

Lincoln brings so much pure joy into life. Not just ours, either... this is the kid that, when we go out into the world, flirts and waves and smiles and coos until every heart within a ten-foot radius of him is officially melted. I can't wait to see what the next year brings, and continue to watch him grow into his own little guy.

Happy day, Lincoln Roland Elliott! We love you so much!

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

I do believe I hear angels singing

I just bought this.

It's practically perfect in every way.

I can wear it on mom days and on work days.

It's fitted and flattering but the heft of it makes it great at lumpoflage.

And, it has an ever-so-slight hint of motorcycle chic.

Take that, frumpy fleece mom vests of the world.

Monday, January 11, 2010

This conversation actually happened

"Mommy, can you carry all of those toys at the same time?"

(Me, proudly): "I sure can!"

"Why? Because of your long boobies?"

Concerning, to say the least.

Saturday, January 9, 2010

2010 - The Unfrumpiest Year Ever

Happy new year!

So one of my resolutions this year is about this blog. I sincerely love writing it, and I'm constantly thinking to myself, "I need to write a post about that." But somewhere between the idea and the actual sitting down at the computer to make it happen comes things like life, and parenting, and work, and, every so often, sleep. That said, because I love doing it, and even more to the point, I love love love love love when someone tells me they read these ramblings and enjoy them, I am committed to keeping it up.

So. I'm going on record.

2010 will be the year of Unfrump My Mom. (At least I will think of it that way. You don't have to - that would be weird.) I will post often. I will post pictures. I will make this site look less like something someone slapped together circa 1997. All I ask of you is to keep me motivated by continuing to check in on me. Leave a comment when the inspiration strikes. Maybe even become a follower. I, in return, will become a tireless chronicler of frump in all forms.

2010. Bring it.