Wednesday, May 25, 2011

I have a beef

Actually, I have many beefs. (Beeves?) But the one that's currently rubbing me sideways is this:


I know these are very popular, but at first glance, it looks to me like, "People I've Run Over With My Car". Then once I see that it's in fact a caricature of your family, and that you have three children (one of whom plays soccer and one who likes to swim) and two dogs (one of whom chews a frisbee), I think to myself:

Why? Why do I need to know this about you?

I'm happy for you, but I'm not sure why I, as a fellow person on the road, need this particular information. I'd much rather know how many tickets you have on your record and whether or not you are currently on any medication. Can you please put this information on a cute little sticker in your back window?

Monday, May 23, 2011

A story by my daughter

...who is 4 1/2. It starts all fine and normal, and then eventually trainwrecks. Which sounds a lot like our life these days. Enjoy.

Once upon a time, there was a sponge named Sponge Bob Squarepants. One day, he went to his pineapple under the sea and said, “Can Miller and her friends come over?” And Miller and Lincoln and Mama and Dada came there, and Candyman and Candygirl and all their friends. They all played. Then they went to Miller’s house and all had a sleepover. Then they went to sleep. In the morning they woke up and played in Miller’s room. They played with Miller’s remote control car and Candyman and Candygirl made a special remote control car. Kaitlin and Joshua had an idea. They all wanted to play. Everyone cheered and clapped and roared and cheered and clapped and roared again forever and for once and they did it in Eskimo style for 88 cents. Then they all 78 cents all and for once. And every day they went to a parade and a bouncy house. And they lived like everything else but Nemo but there was one problem. Which house was an acorn? And seahorses backa backa. That means they sneeze. So they went forward and backward in their car and they all sleeped again in the Elliott’s house. Then the Eskimos came into the snow and everyone HRJALH489.

THE END

Thursday, May 12, 2011

One of the many reasons I love my husband...

We were exiting church on Sunday and I saw a license plate on a big fancy Mercedes that said, "SKORPNS". I looked at him and said, "So, do you think the guy who drives this car likes the Scorpions?" And without so much as a beat, he replied, "Either that, or he likes to score penis."

Four days later, I'm still laughing out loud every time I think about it.

Saturday, May 7, 2011

Ain't It Funny

My days are not my own.

My time is not my own.

My schedule is not my own.

My home is not my own.

My room is not my own.

My bed is certainly not my own.

My body is not my own.

My TV is not my own.

My phone is not my own.

My car is not my own (I mean, hell, it's a minivan.)

These days, pretty much nothing in my life is my own. And yet, I have everything I could ever need.

Happy Mother's Day!

Thursday, May 5, 2011

One Yes, Two No's

We were in LA over Easter for a whirlwind, family-full few days. In general, I feel like LA has less frump per capita than here in NorCal. Maybe it's the sunny weather, the profusion of cameras, or the proximity to Hollywood. Take, for example:

Check out the cute boots! The slouchy sweater! The adorable and bright bag that holds tons of stuff but isn't heinous! Yeah, for the record, this is Ashlee Simpson. She was in front of us in line for a train ride and I had to snap a pic. I know, I know, she's a celebrity with lots of available time and money which certainly helps in the quest to unfrump, but this look is definitely attainable AND it looks comfortable. I was VERY impressed, not something I have ever before found myself saying about Ashlee Simpson.

And then there's the flip side. Or shall I say dark side:


Thank god these people at least put aside their extreme love for black and denim when dressing their child. What you don't see is the flourescent pink lanyard around dad's neck that I believe was holding a pen. In case anyone asked the Dad of Darkness for an autograph.

And one more:

So this whole bohemian maxidress/long skirt thing is making a comeback and I'm not sure what I think of this trend yet. But I do know one things: THIS IS NOT THE WAY TO WEAR IT. With a hoodie. And crocs. With socks. And a husband wearing a grown-up boy scout uniform. Ok? Ok.