Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Look what I got in my email today

I'm not sure what's more disturbing, the existence of this product in the first place, or the fact that I fit someone's spam profile that makes them think I might want it.

Have you ever, ever put on your jeans and thought, dang I wish these felt like PJs? Have you ever, ever put on your PJs and thought dang I wish these looked like jeans? I mean, these are totally separately functioning wardrobe items. You want your jeans to be tight in the right places if you want them to look good. You want your jammies not to look like something in which you could jump out of bed and hit the local singles bar. Right?

Let's look at the ad for a moment. Did you notice that Pajama Jeans come with 1 Grey Crewneck Tee? I mean, I could open my husband's t-shirt drawer and find about 12 of those right now. If you are running around in a Grey Crewneck Tee and Pajama Jeans, please get off my blog right now.

Now let's take a peek at the checked boxes. This is a flagrant overuse of red checks. I'll give you soft and comfortable, but I take major umbrage with stylish and sexy.

"Perfect for exercise shopping & more." I'm wondering, since there is a noticeable lack of commas in this sentence, if they mean it's perfect for "exercise shopping?" Like those ladies that go to the mall in frumpy clothes and speed walk around it? If so, then I suppose I agree. And when they say "& more", I'm assuming they mean "accessorizing with socks and tevas" because that's pretty much their target market.

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Forever 38

I've been putting off this post for a long time. I'm not sure why, maybe because I am embarrassed about what I'm about to admit, or maybe because I want everyone to harbor some sort of fantasy that I shop at fancy places. (Who am I kidding, I drive a fucking minivan.)


I deeply, majorly, hugely love Forever 21.

In fact, one of my favorite alone outings is to head to the mall, grab a no-whip mocha at Starbucks (a treat I only allow myself on special occasions) and head up the escalator to F21. It is akin to what some people must feel when they go to flea markets. I love flea markets, but I can never get my ass up early enough to get to one (nor can I figure out what to do with my children while I go.) Because you have to do some damn good sifting to find stuff at F21 that isn't a) made for 8 year olds, b) about to fall apart, or c) highly flammable. That's ok! I feel like it's part of the rush. Because when you do find that one thing, that fabulous thing that looks like you bought it at Saks (if you squint your eyes or don't wear your contacts), and you look at the price tag and it says $14.99, it's like winning the lottery.

Shirts. Dresses. Scarves. Jewelry. Purses. Sweatshirts. I have done it all at F21, with the exception of pants. Sorry, but when your ass is over 35, it requires you to kick down more than $18 to make it look good.

A word of caution: TRY ON EVERYTHING. I can't even imagine who the fit model is for this brand -- a six foot tall preteen? A post-op transvestite? You never know what it's going to look like on, especially if you have boobs. Also, just ignore the tweens giving you weird looks. They will WISH they are as cool as you in oh, 30-odd years.