Thursday, May 17, 2012

Am I missing something?

We haven't cured cancer yet, right? There are still terrible diseases and starving children and abject poverty running rampant in the world, correct? Why then, please tell me why, some really smart people are using all their 900 IQ points making a ROBOTIC BUTT. That shows EMOTION. Because what we really need in this world full of war and hate and angst and what-have-you, are more emotional robotic butts.

Wednesday, May 16, 2012


Having little kids is the best. They are so damn cute, they say the funniest things, they are constantly changing and growing and learning. And they're not old enough yet to judge you when you pour yourself a glass of wine before 5.

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Blogger on Blogger Love

I am not a good blogger. I don't update as much as I'd like, I swear too much, I don't use enough pictures, I say to myself "I'm going to blog about this" about 22 times a week, and get around to it approximately .25 of those times. That said, a good friend and EXCELLENT blogger recently (and gratefully) took pity on me and gave me a shout out on her blog, along with a fancy little badge that will quite possibly appear below if I can figure out how to make it do so. I am always amazed and a little intimidated by my friend Amy's Using Our Words—she is equally good with kids, words and emotions. So thank you, Amy, and I WILL pay it forward! Let this be my one good blogging deed for the day/week/month/year!

(Oh hey. That worked.)

The rules that go along with this award are as follows:

1. Thank the person who gave you the award and link back to them in your post. (Check!)
2. Tell us seven things about yourself. (Can't imagine why you'd be interested but read on for those.)
3. Award 15 recently discovered new bloggers. (15??!! This is where my bad blogger status rears it's ugly face. I don't know that many new blogs, but I promise to do what I can.)

Seven things about me:

I am a picker. Nose, pimples, hair, hangnails. I will pick your various things too if you will let me. When I see monkeys at the zoo grooming each other I think to myself, "YES. I get that."

I am currently under a therapist's orders to learn to love my boobs. Yes, you read that right.

My dream careers are: interior decorator, fashion designer, professional poker player and celebrity interviewer. And in my mind I am awesome at all of them.

I am addicted to coffee, water, wine, and the smell of my children's hair.

Years ago, I was on Wheel of Fortune. I won $5,000 and I think Pat Sajak flirted with me.

The older I get, the more I suck at multi-tasking. And the more I need to do it.

There are very few people I don't like. And if I love you, I love you forever.

When I DO get around to reading them, the blogs I tend to really like are the ones that make me laugh, think and/or cry, better yet if I can do it all simultaneously. I also love the little peeks into my friends' worlds that I get from their blogs, especially since we rarely get to talk much these days and just forget about actually seeing each other's faces. So without further ado, please meet:

Jen Frase, Stuff I probably shouldn't say out loud
This girl is seriously funny and her skewering of the Bachelor franchise while not being able to stop watching is awesome. It's worth it to watch that godforsaken show just so you can read what she writes about it afterward. Emily's season is coming up... despite my repeated, fervent oath to never watch another one again, I'm sure I'll be glued to the TV then promptly glued to this blog.

Trembling Ovaries
This blog checks all my boxes because Amy makes me laugh, think and cry, AND she's my friend. Damn, I'm lucky. Whenever I read her blog it makes me wish I was sitting next to her, drinking wine and talking about the stuff she writes about, but then life gets crazy or my son gets strep throat and I have to settle for cyber Amy. Good thing it's such good stuff.

Canvas Style
My friend Catherine has knockout taste and this is her blog about interior design and fashion. Visiting it is like a little oasis of beauty in my day, plus I feel like I checked in on her despite the fact that she lives in Florida and I haven't seen her beautiful face in I don't even like to think about how long. But I can still be inspired by her eye for fabulousness.

Hyperbole and a Half
This blog is not new nor written/drawn by a friend of mine, but I had to include it because it is just pure tragic, comedic truth. Both the writing and the illustrations are brilliant, and I dare you to not see yourself in one of those crazy, jacked up little pictures. This chick is illustrating our psyches. And no, I am not high.

Thursday, May 3, 2012

Mom Confession

As we're coming up on Mother's Day, when mothers all over the world are revered for all the wonderful things they do, I thought I'd bring us all down with a little good, hard honesty. Here are a few things I do as a mom that I probably should not do but I do anyway. I'm not writing this as an apology--no, this is more of an absolution for all you moms that do the same thing. I know you're out there.

 1. Eat the best part of my kids' food.
 Like the very middle of the waffle, after I cut it into small bites. The part with the most butter and syrup. What? I don't get paid in cash for this job.

 2. Throw away a lion's share of their artwork.
 I keep the great stuff, but honestly. Our house is less than 1500 square feet and I'm pretty sure they could fill twice that much space with their masterpieces (i.e. one googly eye glued to a piece of cardboard complete with a couple of scribbles.) Will I regret this? Only if one of them becomes a famous artist and I could be making money off of this crap.

 3. Lie to them.
Here's a scenario. We have a free morning and my daughter comes to me and sweetly asks, "Mom, can we go to _______ today? (Pump it Up, the park, or, usually, randomly, The Pez Museum.) I have laundry that needs to get done and, more to the point, no zest for a last minute fire up. What do I do? I say, "Sure, honey, let me check on the computer to see if it's open..... oh, shoot. It's closed today." My child is going to grow up thinking that most places of business are open once a week for a total of 2 hours.

 4. Laugh when they fall.
Not if they're hurt, of course. And not in their face, of course. But come on. Sometimes that shit is funny.

 5. Let them watch TV or play Wii when I want to do something.
Like read a trashy magazine. Or write this blog post.