1. Eat the best part of my kids' food.
Like the very middle of the waffle, after I cut it into small bites. The part with the most butter and syrup. What? I don't get paid in cash for this job.
2. Throw away a lion's share of their artwork.
I keep the great stuff, but honestly. Our house is less than 1500 square feet and I'm pretty sure they could fill twice that much space with their masterpieces (i.e. one googly eye glued to a piece of cardboard complete with a couple of scribbles.) Will I regret this? Only if one of them becomes a famous artist and I could be making money off of this crap.
3. Lie to them.
Here's a scenario. We have a free morning and my daughter comes to me and sweetly asks, "Mom, can we go to _______ today? (Pump it Up, the park, or, usually, randomly, The Pez Museum.) I have laundry that needs to get done and, more to the point, no zest for a last minute fire up. What do I do? I say, "Sure, honey, let me check on the computer to see if it's open..... oh, shoot. It's closed today." My child is going to grow up thinking that most places of business are open once a week for a total of 2 hours.
4. Laugh when they fall.
Not if they're hurt, of course. And not in their face, of course. But come on. Sometimes that shit is funny.
5. Let them watch TV or play Wii when I want to do something.
Like read a trashy magazine. Or write this blog post.